It’s very common. Coming home and looking at the piles of crap that seems to come with kids all piled up in every room while the little human tornadoes flit around over bits of lego that are strewn across the carpet like their feet are made of some unbreakable concrete while a rogue matchbox car takes you down and does your hip, putting you out for the next 6 days. Piles of precious ‘artwork’ that you tried smuggling into the recycling bin 3 months ago but your sleuth kids caught you out and you had to quickly rat on your husband so the kids don’t guilt you forever now shoved under the couch cushions with bits of unidentified dried up foodstuff (if you say you don't sometimes take the risk if you think it might be chocolate you're lying).
As professional home organisers, we see a lot of people, a lot of homes (including our own!!), a lot of dynamics, and a billion reasons why homes get a bit overwhelming for their occupants. The rivers of why homes become disorganised run very deeply, and we are very good at understanding the emotional and psychological blockages that come with ‘stuff’. Acquiring stuff. Letting go of stuff. Organising stuff. Overwhelming stuff. Everyone has a different relationship with ‘stuff’, and it’s only when ‘stuff’ makes us unhappy or stops us living our best lives that it becomes a problem.
Kid stuff can be particularly problematic for families. Various toys and memorabilia that somehow develop a whole heap of emotional attachments and various parenting guilts that can be hard to let go of. We get it – that half broken and completely filthy zebra toy that your kids have long forgotten about (until they see it in the rubbish pile of course) reminds you of the trip you had to the zoo when they were smaller, during which no kids had a meltdown over the hot chips being too chippy, your pelvic floor post 3 kids didn’t let you down for an entire 8 hours, and you even managed to keep the kids awake for the entire trip home now has a certain value attached to it for you deeming it hard to let go of (surely it's not just me who gets this!?) And that’s not only okay, it’s also completely normal and a very common experience!
While there is no shame in chaos and stuff, it is important to analyse the relationship we and our children have with kid related stuff, and begin to make mindful decisions on when to let go of stuff – or not accumulate it in the first place.
One of the reasons we as organisers often see pop up during our daily interactions with clients circles back to the consumerist mentality which society constantly shoves in front of us every single day. It’s easy to get caught up in, and a difficult habit to change. It’s important to be a mindful consumer, and question our habits of acquiring.
One of my personal struggles is mum guilt. Especially when I drag the kids out on a Friday morning, knowing they're going to miss the garbage truck (again, don't ask). The crying in the back-seat. The guilt if being the worst mum in the world. Even I - Queen Organiser - want to just stop by the shops and buy a little treatie to make them feel better! It's SO HARD!!
When we get called to a clients home because their kid stuff has accumulated to the point of being dysfunctional and overwhelming for them (again, no shame - it happens to us too!!), we usually walk into play area’s that are filled with a jumble of toys. Some brand new in packaging, some barely touched, all were ‘we can’t live with out that’ purchases. But most of them are grossly untouched (until they see their parent, in a fit of rage, try and get rid of an item they have never shown interest in, and suddenly it is the worlds most important thing to them and they must sleep with it for the next week just to prove to their parent that they love it and it’s amazing and how dare their parent try and turf it). While some people may buy toys thinking that the more toys they have the more entertained the children will be (is this it? Is this the toy that will actually buy us 3 minutes to finally poo in privacy for the first time in 6 years??), the reality is that too many toys result in a completely dysfunctional space – and hardly ever results in privacy in the bathroom. With too many toys, the child/ren easily become overwhelmed and dysregulated by the options and there being no clear space to play in, and the adults become overwhelmed because there is too much to cope with. When it comes to toys – less is definitely more. Children have more quality and meaningful play time if they have a clear, minimalistic environment. Probably still no privacy for parents though. Sorry.
Imagine going into your office area to get some work done, and your desk is full of stationery, your floor is covered in stuff you’ll get to one day, your laptop is hidden underneath a pile of hobby supplies, and you can’t get to the printer. It’s overwhelming. It’s overstimulating. It makes our brains feel chaotic. You know you can’t be productive.
Kids often feel the same way when their options are overwhelming. They have difficulty accessing productive, regulated, meaningful, and functional play time.
But that doesn’t help if you’re already drowning in kid stuff. And just tidying it up isn’t getting to the root cause of why so much stuff was accumulated in the first place.
When we dig a little deeper with our client (because we always do, no point resetting a space if we don’t coach through changing habits!), we often discover one of the most common reasons we have found that toy spaces become cluttered and dysfunctional: ‘but we go to Kmart together just to buy a $10-$15 little treat. It’s a nice outing for us!’
The problem with this is multi-faceted.
Firstly, bam! Back to toxic consumerism being normalised.
Secondly, that small budget ends up blowing out when you then need to spend time, headspace, and money dealing with the clutter that the habit brings upon us.
Thirdly, the havoc in landfill – my kids used to watch garbage trucks on YouTube (don’t ask) and I still think about the amount of unnecessary junk that ends up in landfill because of the consumerist agenda. If every household has the weekly waste of a single wheelie bin, times a billion it’s a monumental amount! Where is it going to go when our planet is full? How will our world look? Going down that rabbit hole hurts, but it’s good to be mindful.
Lastly, if this happens on a weekly basis, we can almost guarantee the toy will be forgotten shortly after coming home. Ritualistic buying takes away from the specialness of a real once in a while treat and can easily create more entitled kids. A hard pill to swallow?
I get it, buying things gives our brains a good old dopamine hit. But when the dopamine runs out and you’re left with a house that’s hard to breathe in, that is when the problem starts. And it’s a vicious cycle. Because then we need more dopamine to make us feel better about our home, so we buy something nice because it makes us feel good. And we spiral.
I don’t come from a place of privilege here. I have 4 kids – I totally understand the trauma of being in the supermarket while one kid tantrums on the floor in front of the flour because you got the red packet instead of the blue one, while you hear your other kid squealing that they need to wee NOW from the pickled onions two aisles away. Sensory overload takes over and before you know it you’re bribing with the toys in Aisle 8.
So what can we do about it aside from a complete reset and systemise of the home spaces impacted by kid clutter? We need to change habits and be mindful of our choices. There is no easy or magic fix – changing habits and routines can be really tricky! Persistence and time is key here.
Firstly, try doing this: click and collect whatever you can click and collect to reduce the time you spend in the shops. If click and collecting is not possible, bring snacks or a favourite toy when you go shopping! Good snacks. And don’t accidentally leave the toy in the change room in Target, because you will be forced to run through Airport West like a maniac hoping against all hope that no one has found and binned the ratty tatty slightly smelly thing your kid calls a blanket while your kid howls in the seat of the trolley whose bung wheel is sending you almost flying into oncoming traffic and really testing your core strength and knee stability – there is a reason this is oddly specific, just take it from me --- Do. Not. Lose. The. Toy. I’d also like to add, if you’re hitting the shops, make sure everyone does a wee before you leave, but we all have that one kid who has to pee every 20 minutes while we are out so don’t waste your time.
Okay, back to the toy treats. So say your weekly budget for a treat per child is $10-$15. There are loads of things you can do within budget to give your kid a dopamine hit, fill their little love cup, and not increase the clutter in your home or the garbage in landfill. Here are our top 6 favs:
It's probably worth noting, your kids may not drink a milkshake like this. This looks like the start of WWIII in my household....
Nevertheless.
We need to teach our kids that they do not have to consume. We need to break the habits of society for a better future. Big change happens in small steps, so start to analyse your decisions around kid stuff within your home and see how you go!
And always remember, in the back of your head while your kid is tantruming in Kmart because they want the Bluey doll house - less toys means less time spent tidying up!
Catherine | Declutter Coach | Professional Home Organiser